A week away can sometimes give you a new outlook on life, a reflection maybe of what is important and what is not. The days here in Iowa have been cold, dark and wet. I long so for spring!! I guess we need the rain to clean things up around here....the yards are messy and muddy.... everything seems to be the same color. The long winter and hopes of spring have brought my heart to a story that has been on my heart for many years. One of those things that happened many years ago but has just always stayed with me. A story that needed an ending. A story that I had to go back to in order to find forgiveness.
The story is about a young boy that I met and became friends with. We talked about many things and enjoyed each others company. My parents were very strict and of course didn't allow me to see him. He wasn't from the Christian Reformed Church and he didn't go Christian school. I respect my parents for my upbringing but I often struggled with the "box" that it put me in. I just don't fit into this "box".
One afternoon this boy decided to come and see me...he didn't know exactly where I lived so he just went for a ride to find my house. This journey changed his life.....it almost took his life.....He was hit by a train while crossing the railroad tracks close to my house.
I went to school the next day knowing nothing about the accident. People were huddled in groups crying when I arrrived. Girls began yelling at me, blaming me for what had happened. It went on for weeks. When I finally understood just what had happened the guilt set in. The boy spent days fighting for his life. I did nothing.....I wanted to go see him but I was not allowed to. I wrote him many times but could never bring myself to send it. Kids reminded me everyday what I had done. One day many weeks after the accident , my doorball rang. There he was........... one thing that he wanted to do when he got out of the hospital was finish his destination of that day. He found my house...he found me. The visable scars tore at my heart. They stayed with me for many years.
As I have grown up I have learned some things. There is a whole new life outside the box.....there are wonderful people outside the box. As a parent it would have been easier to keep my kids inside that box. It seems safe.....it seems easier......it seemed right. Things were just black or white. As the kids grew older they brought many friends home......... some were from their school and some were not. Some were of the same faith , some were not.They taught me many lessons as a mom and as a person. My kids don't fit in a box........but how wonderful!! I hope that I have taught them to spread their faith outside the box.........there are wonderful people outside the box!!
I read this book about how this man needed to go back to his high school years and ask forgiveness of someone that he hurt and had left things unfinished. I finally did that too.......
After much searching I found the boy from my past.......I needed to ask him for forgiveness.....forgiveness for not being there for him in one of the toughest times in his life........for not going outside my "box"........for not being opened minded about different churches and faiths........for not being able to handle what so many other kids were saying. I am sorry.....forgive me is a tough thing to say sometimes. Many of us have that I think........Contact someone today.......tell them. It cleans our soul just like the rain cleans up the mess in the spring.
By the way...life is wonderful outside the box!!! It lets you see things in all the wonderful colors that God created!! Trust Him!!
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